My Nervous System, People Pleasing, and Addison Rae
09-15th June 2025
⭐ Like my stuff? Buy me a cuppa (decaf earl grey with oat milk).⭐
Hello ricklers,
It is my birthday week! The rickleverse turns six months and I turn 238 in dog years.
In order to celebrate, I have updated my website! It is now a one-stop-shop for all my creative endeavours. Explore it here 🧡
This week I chat about: some changes to my diet, grappling with the realities of making good decisions, and a new addition to the girl-pop hall of fame.
Thanks for a fun six months, everyone. I really do appreciate you being here.
Happy reading!
Now That I Think About It
I’m able to sit and eat a whole apple, all the way to the core, without any complaints from my body. This is big because I used to survive almost entirely on processed foods. I couldn’t digest things like meat proteins, or chunky vegetables, properly and it left me lethargic and malnourished. Processed food (ie. pre-chewed, reformulated, engineered food) is quick to absorb, and allowed me to keep moving, all while giving me a hit of dopamine from the added sugar, salt or E numbers.
As I finished the apple, I realised with a jolt what it was that allowed me to eat it without complaint - my nervous system had changed.
Until recently I never valued sitting still and eating. Food was a way to refuel myself so that I could continue experiencing life. I never stopped. Partly because I enjoy the feeling of moving and doing things, but also if I’m honest, I didn’t like the thoughts and feelings that came up when I sat still for too long. Over the past few years, I’ve done a lot of work on how to manage emotional and psychological pain, and it seems to be having a physical effect on me. I’ve slowed down a lot, I make decisions more thoughtfully (see next story), and I live life more intentionally.
The fact I am now able to eat walnuts, or carrot sticks, or celery, or apples is a good sign - my inner work is paying off and I’m starting to calm down.
The truth of people pleasing
I struggled to tell people a decision I made this week. I had the opportunity to take a job somewhere exciting, that would have given me a much needed change, but I didn’t.
When I applied I was excited, yet by the time I left the interview, I had doubts. I’d hoped I wouldn’t be offered it at all, to save me from having to be honest with the people I love, and with myself, and to avoid reality of what the decision said about me.
I knew it was the best choice. To me, it felt like discernment. Nobody has ever lived my life before, and my job is to live it the best I can.
Yet the urge to people please still tugged at me. I wish I could make everyone happy by being myself, but that is never going to be the case. In fact, authenticity is engineered specifically to weed out those who aren’t on your page and bring you closer to those who are. Nevertheless, people pleasing gives me acceptance, however short term. Long term people pleasing guts me, hollows me out. I lose who I really am, and that’s what this exercise taught me. I have to be able to stand in truth. Even if it might cost me everything and everyone I know.
There is no room for connection without honesty. It’s uncomfortable, but it has to be done, or else I don’t allow myself to exist and no one will ever meet me.
🖼️🎨Art Corner 🖼️🎨
‘Spoilers are a gun’ - Addison Rae
🎵 Addison, Addison Rae (2025, Columbia Records) ☆☆☆
Her new album was very early 2000s Britney coded in my opinion but with a bit of Charli XCX spice. As a pop girlie I am a fan, and I think she’s got some interesting things to say about growing up in the influencer age.
She is also smart as a tack and I love it when, as a girl, you have it all.
📽️ The Little Mermaid (2023, Walt Disney Productions) ☆☆☆
In the hierachy of cinema needs, CGI-ing a cartoon movie should be at the top of the pyramid. Or even better, off to the side. Yet, Halle Bailey was incredible and to see a much loved movie come to life was good fun. I did not enjoy thinking of Prince Eric as a coloniser :(
Also, this is the worst acting performance from Javier Bardem I’ve ever seen which I didn’t think was physically possible.
Weekly Stats
Times my tarot cards read me to filth: 5
Journal breakdowns: 3
Went to the supermarket for one thing, came back with everything but that one thing and duplicates of things I already had: 7
Cookbooks donated: 12
Next week on the rickleverse
I’ll tell you more about a new toy I got for my birthday and an old Angelina Jolie movie.
See you then!
Love,
Rachael
