Twilight, Creeps, and Bulgarian Split Squats
23 February - 02 March 2025
Hello my beloved,
This week there is a strong yearning theme and a few triggering mentions of my experiences at the gym. Turns out, sometimes my assumptions aren’t reflective of reality - ANNOYING!
I consumed some high hitters in media, including Rear Window (my first experience of Grace Kelly) and Platoon (with young Willem Dafoe). A good week for appreciators of hot people.
I hope you’ve had a great week and your consumption of the news has been to a moderate and psychologically manageable level.
Happy reading!
Now That I Think About It
The Twilight Saga means a lot to me. I read it at a pivotal age where I was starting to develop my romantic yearning potential and I found Bella a very relatable character (especially when she sulked for six months). The films are reflective of the emo / post 9/11 culture of the time - from the music to the bluewash shots - and any reference to it now gives me a deep nostalgia, no matter how easily it is to tear apart the plot or lack of feminist themes.
Anything that hits the heart at that sponge-y time of adolescence is bound to stick, therefore, when I saw Lego had come out with the Cullen House I was fairly excited to see what they had in store for us aging millennials.
Read more about my reaction in this article collaboration with Bricks n’ Brackets writer Attila Vágó and find the full build in fascinating detail, werewolves and all.
Becoming a Gym Girlie (tw: body image, food)
Based on the small amount of influencers that came up on my socials, I had certain predisposed views as to what gym culture was about. Mostly I thought it was a space for men with weird eating habits to posture their muscles in replacement for their personality, or a way for women who internalised the male gaze to show they fit the beauty standard.
Yet here I was feeling lethargic, struggling with my mental health, hardly a step count to my name, watching as my gym-going friends raved about their improved mental and physical health. I had to start thinking about whether I was holding myself back.
To be honest I was nervous. Not only about how to work the machines but about the reasons I was going on this journey. There is a large part of me that feels my life would be easier (read: I would be loved more) if I was thinner and I didn’t want that part to start running the show. I no longer equate thinness with happiness, in fact it often does not equate to good health for me, and I wanted the gym to be a step in the right direction.
I sought out a personal trainer (the amazing Jen) who works at a gym in a coastal town near me. I hoped if I had someone to guide me through the process it would help ease some of my worries. From the first session I was amazed at how good I felt. Jen’s enthusiasm and knowledge was infectious and I started looking forward to challenging myself and learning something new each week. Afterwards, I’d walk along the beach feeling so grounded and zen I thought I might have cracked what it is to be alive.
However, as with any habit that is being built or broken, the process can be very exposing. My eating habits weren’t great and I had to seriously consider what I was fueling myself with and why I was struggling to cut certain things down. My stomach problems both improved and flared depending on the week and I had to learn to follow my bodily queues. Yet the positives started to add up each week. I found setting up the equipment less intimidating. I felt myself get stronger. The people I met in the gym were kind and helpful, often working through similar issues to me.
There will always be a complicated interplay between wellness and obsession but I’ll keep that for a longer article. What I will say is that sometimes I’m wrong (only the once though) and the gym is far more than I ever gave it credit for.
Consumption Corner
A real good, high scoring week this week. No spoilers
Call Me By Your Name (2007, André Aciman) ☆☆☆☆
This book was made by Big Yearning to sell more trips to Italy and brb booking my flights now. The whole time I was reading all I could think about was this song from the film soundtrack (and ofc Armie’s canabalism allegations).
The way Aciman writes romantic obsession is extremely relatable but what will stay with me for much longer is his descriptions of time and the relationship between bodies. I am hearing more and more talk about how when we love another person we are accessing our default state of existence. Everything blurs together and there’s no distinction between ourselves and other beings. We are more easily in the moment and able to feel how precious time is.
The wisdom is that although the person of our affection feels necessary for this experience, the sensation of joy and one-ness that we feel when in love can be accessed at any time. This book is the perfect example of this.
Platoon (1986, Oliver Stone) ☆☆☆
Young Willem Dafoe could shoot me in the face and I’d be grateful.
Interesting how few movies there are about the Vietnam war, yet there are millions of WW2 films … it’s almost as if this is part of a wider propaganda choice….
Rear Window (1954, Alfred Hitchcock) ☆☆☆☆
Always devastating to see a 10/10 woman obsessed with a 6/10 man.
Weekly Stats
I learned that when birds mate it’s called the ‘cloacal kiss’
House sitting opportunities I applied for: 2
Meals I ate involving chips: 3
Times I failed the Bechdel test: 5
Jelly babies consumed: 25
Next week on the rickleverse
I will tell you about my trip to Sheffield, my top male gaze moments in film, and some big life changes I’ve made.
See you then!
Love,
Rachael
